Remembering Tomoe Murata Arai

I just wanted to share some photos and readings from the beautiful memorial service celebrating my Aunt Tomoe. It took place this past Saturday in New York City. It was wonderful seeing my family who live in New York City, uncle David from Hawaii, Aunt Alice from South Carolina and my cousins. I'm so glad I was able to attend the service and celebrate such an amazing woman.

Uncle David brought a lei from Hawaii which was placed around the beautiful photo of Aunt Tomoe.

 Uncle David also sent flowers from Hawaii for the service.

The Program.

 The photo above is of Uncle David and Aunt Alice.

Below is the eulogy written and read by Uncle David. 

Tomoe Arai 49^th Day Memorial Service,  February 4, 2012

Reading by David Murata representing Murata family

On this day when we celebrate Tomoe’s life with us and send her off to her heavenly home, I wish to thank Tomie and her family for providing me this opportunity to share some words of  appreciation to her family, the Arai family, and to you who were her friends in this part of her world.   In behalf of the siblings of the Murata family I wish to express our very grateful thanks and appreciation for the family and friends you have been to Tomoe and Tim for the many, many years  they were  part of your lives.

Among the 7 children of Hanzo and Yukino Murata, 4 boys and 3 girls who settled in Holualoa, Kona, Hawaii in the early 1900’s, I am the 6^th child.   Besides myself, third sister in the family, Alice Painter of Greenville , South Carolina is here today  with  4 of her children who have known and loved Tomoe since their childhood.   One sibling,  Roy Murata, second son,  passed away in 2003 and his family is represented here today by one of his daughters, Jasmine Clouter.    The grandson of our oldest brother Rev. Herbert Murata of Honolulu who is a resident of NYC at this time, Joshua Imakyure is here today.  Other siblings of the family are:   Mrs. Rose Uriyu of Torrance, CA, and youngest brother Arthur of Holualoa, Kona.

Our grandparents were from Kumamoto-ken, Japan, among the “imin” who came to work on the sugar plantations in Hawaii.   Grandfather had health problems and plantation  work and life was very difficult to bear so in the second year of  a 3 year work contract, they broke contract and headed for refuge in Kona.  Like other settlers in Kona they could live independently away from the harsh oppression of plantation life and they became the pioneers who established the now well known  Kona Coffee industry.  

Our mother was one year old  at arrival in Hawaii.  Marriage was prearranged by parents and  our mother was only in her teens when Tomoe the first born arrived.  Tomoe was known to us as “onesan”, older sister, when we were growing up together.   She experienced many hardship which was life of her time.   As the family grew in numbers “onesan” shouldered most of the care taking of the new children.  I do not remember much of my early life but it was Tomoe who told me later in my life that she was responsible for my care when I was born because mother had just begun the first Dressmaking shop in our community. 

Tomoe excelled in school, both  at what we called the “English School” and  “Japanese School” which was conducted each day after  English school and on Saturdays.  She always received “itosho”,  top student honor throughout her 8 years in Japanese school.  None of us who came along after her were able to attain her level of academic  accomplishments.   At the time she was growing up a girl was not considered needing education beyond high school.   Partly due to the encouragement of our mother, Tomoe was one of the few girls from our community to leave home to pursue higher education.   Her first interest was becoming a kindergarten teacher.

WWII interfered with her education and plans.  Like many students leaving the neighbor Islands for schooling in Honolulu Tomoe was working part time as a maid in a home to pay for her education.  Her employer moved to Astoria OR after the war and later to New London CT. Most of you here know her life living in the Eastern US much better than most of us siblings.   All seven of us in the family followed similar paths as Tomoe did, going away from home for schooling or settling in different locations related to work.  A consequence of following our own journeys is that our family became separated by great distances.  Due to our separation by distance as well as health and other situations only 4 representatives of our family members could be here for the service for Tomoe.

I want to express  to Tomoe’s family the regret of the members of our family who could not be here personally to pay their respects and to support  the family in a time such as this.   To all of the  Arai families,  thank you for giving her love and caring over the years and being her support  in good times and difficult times in her life with you.    We are truly glad and grateful that Tomoe had you as her family.   

     

“Gokurosama deshita.  Kokorokara agrigato gosaimasu”

 To all of you who are here today to pay your respects to Tomoe and to support the Arai family, our Murata family is very grateful for the friend you have been to Tomoe and to her family throughout the time she lived as part of your community.  You filled in as part of her family which we were not able to do.

 I have one request to you who are friends of our sister Tomoe, an “onegai” , from the Murata side of the family.   Would you please continue to extend your friendship and support to the remaining Arai members of the family that Tomoe left behind.

“Imakaramo yoroshiku onegai itashimasu.  Kokoro kara arigato gosaimasu”.  Thank you.

                  

 My aunt Alice and cousins from the Carolinas. We had a great time together.

 My uncle David is amazing. He's the glue that holds the Murata family together.

 My cousin Tomie and Legan hosted a beautiful dinner. 

(left to right: Blake, Dalton, Mark, Uncle David, Tomie, Legan and Joshua.
(Joshua is Uncle Herbert's grandson who is a doctor in New York City.)

Tomie, Legan, Joshua, Zulu, Masai, Kenji and Kai

Below is a short story written by Aunt Tomoe.

SOUND OF MY NAME

by Tomoe Arai read by Great Granddaughter Kai

Until my mother passed away I did not realize how extraordinary was the sound of her calling me “Tomoe,” how full of unconditional love, understanding and encouragement it conveyed.  It made me feel that all was well.  I miss it very much.  Now I know that it is not my name as much as how I am called, as well as the caller, which affects the way I feel about myself.

Sometimes, this is determined by the role I am playing at a certain time in my life.  For example, during my childhood Father affectionately called me “Tomo.”  Mother attached a Japanese honorific and called me “Tomo-san.”  I felt it as a compliment and that I had to earn this respect.

As the eldest of six children, I was to be addressed as “Anesan” (honorable big sister), never as “Tomoe” by my brothers and sisters.  This implied that I must care for them and be responsible for their welfare.  This relationship continued till they became adults and equal in family status.  Now I am Tomoe to all.

In my early school days, I was called “Tombo” (Japanese for dragonfly).  Perhaps because of the fluffy ribbon bows Mother clamped on both sides of my parted hair.  Filipino classmates called me “Potot” (petite in their dialect since I was always the smallest child in class). 

I had mixed feelings of being picked on, as well as being given special attention.  A white teacher from the Mainland, USA decided to call me “Susie.”  Explaining that I reminded her of her niece.  Also something about “Black-eyed Susan,” which was unfamiliar to me.  I wondered why Tomoe was not all right and was uncomfortable about this, but kept it from my parents who might be upset.

Now close friends call me “Tomoe-san,” which gives me a warm feeling.  Tomoe is neutral in feeling but when my name is mispronounced…”Tomay,” “Timoy” etc.” I sense the distance from people who find me a bit strange or difficult to know.

At home my husband’s voice calling “Honey” is warm and easy going but when I hear a somber “Tomoe,” I approach him feeling that there’s serious business a foot.

I cannot imagine being anyone else but Tomoe.  When so called, I perk up… say “Yes?” and anticipate whatever life has in store for me.

The following were read by Tomoe's grandchildren Masai and Akira.

Eulogy for Tomoe Arai

Read by Masai

On December 21, 2011, at age 94, Tomoe Arai passed away peacefully in her home.  At a pillow service conducted by Revererd Matsubayashi, she was surrounded by her immediate family who gathered to say their final goodbyes. For many years, Tomoe had been rendered almost completely silent from the effects of her struggle with late stage Alzheimers. Usually talkative and inquisitive, her inability to communicate had saddened us. There were so many questions left unasked. As the only Japanese-speaking member of our small family, Tomoe was our lifeline to all things Japanese. Who would translate the cooking directions written on the wrappers of the Japanese noodles we bought at Mitsuwa? Who would explain the proper etiquette for social gatherings and Japanese holidays?  Who would decode the Japanese phrases and sayings we overheard at the Church? We worried that without her, we faced the same fate as many of our Asian American friends who did not speak the language of their grandparents and whose own children and grandchildren would grow up knowing very little about their past.

As if preparing for this moment, Tomoe left us an unusual legacy—a collection of looseleaf binders filled with writings, photographs and articles she had meticulously archived over a span of several decades.  Each of these binders were labeled clearly, arranged chronologically and even indexed. With titles like “Arai Family” and “Murata family”, “Immigration and The Issei pioneers”, “Kona Coffee”, “Occupations”, these albums filled the shelves with stories about her life.  On this day when we are gathered here to remember and celebrate Tomoe’s life, we are deeply grateful for the library she left behind for us.  We will have time in the years ahead to read her memories, but here are some biographical highlights we’d like to share with you today:

Tomoe Murata was born in 1917 in Kona Hawaii, the eldest of seven children.  Her parents were coffee farmers and life in the tightly knit immigrant community of Holoaloa was filled with the hardship of running a small farm during the depression.  As the eldest sister, Tomoe was expected to care for her younger siblings and after attending high school it was expected that she would become a farmer’s wife. It was Tomoe’s mother, Yukino,  who had been a child bride at age 15,  who put her foot down and gave Tomoe permission to pursue her dream of becoming a kindergarden teacher in Honolulu.  Leaving home in 1937 to attend further schooling in Honolulu Tomoe looked back on this moment as a turning point. She did not know at the time that world events would prevent her from returning to Kona for over 20 years.

In those early days, Tomoe’s work experience reflected the limited job opportunities for a young Asian woman in prewar Oahu: Working as a full time housekeeper, maid, and nanny for a naval family stationed at Pearl Harbor, she was paid $25 a month. In 1939, the Naval officer that employed her was reassigned to Astoria, Oregon and asked her to join him as the family housekeeper. Tomoe accompanied them, becoming the first of her siblings to leave the Hawaiian Islands. Once in Astoria, Tomoe moved on and found work in a salmon canning factory in Portland. In 1942, a military family moving to the naval base in New London, Connecticut offered her a job as a governess for their two small children.  After moving to New London Tomoe later worked as a full time maid for the Savard  family from 1942-46.  The day after the bombing of Pearl Harbor on December 8^th the FBI paid Tomoe a visit and confined her, as well as other Japanese Americans living on the East Coast to an area within a two mile radius of her residence --for the duration of the war. Ironically, this wartime confinement resulted in educational opportunities that would not have been available to her otherwise.  

In 1943, she received a full scholarship to study at the Connecticut College for Women, after a chance introduction to the dean of the college. In 1946, Tomoe graduated from Connecticut College with a degree in Social Anthropology.

Following the end of the war, Tomoe moved to New York to pursue a degree in East Asian Studies at Columbia University. In 1946, she worked as a typist for the anthropologist Ruth Benedict and in 1948, became a research secretary for Margaret Mead, contributing research to Columbia’s Research in Contemporary Cultures Project. 

While working at Columbia, Tomoe met her husband Tim Arai at a JACL dance for returning GI’s and they were married in 1948. In 1949, Tomoe gave birth to her daughter, Tomie. In addition to her role as a new mother, Tomoe was responsible for the care of her husband’s parents and brothers in-laws who were recently released from the Topaz internment camp in Utah.  To support this growing extended family, Tomoe worked as an interpreter and secretary for Japanese Import firms, including a part time job as a secretary to Stanley Okada at the Tairiku Shoji Travel Service.

 Tomoe was determined to pursue her education and in 1960, she returned to Columbia University. In 1963, she obtained a Master’s Degree in Library Science. ------Armed with a reference letter from Margaret Mead and a master’s degree Tomoe was hired as a Reference Librarian at Hunter College.  Tomoe later went on to become Head of Circulation of the Library at Herbert Lehman College. where she was promoted to the position of Assistant Professor.  Tomoe worked at Lehman College Library as the Head Cataloguer until her retirement in 1986.

Read by Akira

What we now know about our Grandmother’s life could fill a dozen binders. 

We know that she was passionate about books and her proudest achievement was publishing a catalogue of Japanese Buddhist books for the American Buddhist Academy, with a grant from the National Endowment for the Humanities; 

We know that she was a deeply spiritual and devout Buddhist who considered her membership in the New York Buddhist Church and her friendships with the Buddhist Church community as one of the most rewarding aspects of her life; 

We know that late in life, she aspired to become a writer and took writing classes from Mary Gordon when she was well into her 70’s,

-that she was a fanatical Mets fan and loved talking about baseball with me,

-that she loved fishing and would often pack a bag and throw a line off the Hudson River bank on 125^th street, 

-that family meant everything to her and despite her Buddhist convictions, she looked forward to decorating the Christmas tree each year with her great  grandchildren Kai and Kenji.  

We also know that she suffered greatly when she began to lose her memory, but seemed to accept the path of living in the moment with enormous dignity. 

Never complaining, always gracious, our grandmother embodied the precepts of her upbringing by “living or guiding by example’ and returning our love with grace and compassion. 

Grandmother, we will always remember you.